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Comedian - A Never Too Funny Comedian's Blog
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Friday, July 18, 2008
The Trailer for the Watchmen movie is up now.
# posted by The Comedian @ 10:22 AM 0 comments
 
Thursday, July 10, 2008
And one for the other side.I'm an Obama Nut!
# posted by The Comedian @ 10:20 PM 0 comments
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
"These ten words have been used by copyright holders before.""These ten words have been used by the AP before."Am I in trouble too?
# posted by The Comedian @ 3:11 PM 0 comments
Friday, May 30, 2008
 Funky Metal Man Muffler SignI spotted this yesterday in Waterbury, CT.
# posted by The Comedian @ 1:37 PM 0 comments
Thursday, May 22, 2008
This morning I saw a (single parent) family of Canada Geese go walking by in the supermarket parking lot. No story, just a cute picture. Click image for larger version of the picture.
# posted by The Comedian @ 9:37 AM 0 comments
Tuesday, April 01, 2008
Pretty good April Fools from CafePressCafePress is excited to announce the imminentlaunch of CafePress LoveMatch™!Traditional online dating services focus heavily onpreconceived notions of compatibility.For example, filters such as gender, religion, raceand education can actually serve asbarriers that might prevent you from discoveringthat true love means finding someone whoshares your fervent interest in all things Muskrat
# posted by The Comedian @ 9:32 AM 0 comments
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Great widget from the Washington Post, play with electoral results and see who wins.
# posted by The Comedian @ 9:29 AM 0 comments
Historian Clayton Cramer is running for the Idaho senate!
# posted by The Comedian @ 9:04 AM 0 comments
Thursday, March 20, 2008
EATING IN CARS NOT PERMITTED BY TOWN ORDINANCE I suppose what they meant to say is that the town ordinance prohibits eating in cars.If that is true, and Bloomfield actually bothered to pass a town ordinance making it illegal to eat in a parked car, then just how crappy a town is Bloomfield anyway?Is this some sort of new crime wave, people eating in cars all over town?Sad and silly at the same time.The freedom loving part of me would point out that the Town Ordinance "not permitting" me to eat in my car doesn't mean anything at all, since the basic idea of the law is that "that which is not prohibited is allowed." Given that, if there is no town ordinance permitting (or prohibiting) me to eat in my car, then surely I am free to do so.
# posted by The Comedian @ 11:14 AM 0 comments
Wednesday, March 12, 2008
My Client #9 shirts ran as the lead illustration on a Reuters syndicated article about Spitzer shirts hitting the web so quickly after the scandal broke.Article.For posterity I've saved the following screenshots, which can be enlarged if you click them. 
# posted by The Comedian @ 9:14 AM 0 comments
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Based on a suggestion from my father, Elliot Spitzer memorial "Client #9" shirts & mugs. The underwear was my idea.   UPDATE: I was interviewed by Leonard Greene from the NY Post about this on 3/11/08 by phone but none of my comments made it into the article.JOKESTERS 'T'ING OFFBy LEONARD GREENEMarch 12, 2008 -- If prostitution is the oldest profession, T-shirt making can't be far behind.The apparel industry wasted no time cranking out T-shirts and caps for Internet sale to make a few bucks off the scandal."Just call me Client-9," reads one T-shirt, a $19.95 fun-poking reference to how prosecutors referred to the governor in the indictment against a prostitution ring."Eliot Mess," reads another, a shirt featuring an image of a righteous Gov. Spitzer behind a podium."It's a great way for people to express themselves," said Sara Doepke, a spokeswoman for CaféPress.com, a California-based online marketplace.
# posted by The Comedian @ 9:32 AM 0 comments
Thursday, February 28, 2008
 I made up a Trebuchet Simulator for use in "Phun", a mechanics simulation package.Right mouse click and save this text/phn file then run in Phun!Trebuchet Attack.phn
# posted by The Comedian @ 4:48 PM 0 comments
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
My quick response to a story about home cooks dealing with Pyrex dishes that they exploded.Years ago Pyrex was a brand name reserved for use on true borosilicate glass and items fabricated from borosilicate glass. Borosilicate glass is expensive laboratory grade stuff that is very, very strong.Around 10 years ago Corning decided to cash in on the valuable Pyrex trademark name and use it to sell home products made out of soda-lime glass, a material that does not share all the desirable properties of the more expensive borosilicate glass that is still used in its industrial "Pyrex" products.Funny, really, that the Pyrex website brags about the products industrial origins over 90 years ago, but today they are suffering from the same failings that led to the creation of their home products in the early 1900's. Pyrex products first came about because the wife of a Corning scientist asked her husband to make her a baking dish out of the industrial strength stuff he worked with at Corning. She was unhappy with a failed consumer glass baking dish and knew that one made by her husband would be a better product. He made her the first two Pyrex baking dishes by lopping off the bottom of some industrial grade Pyrex battery jars. These dishes, made out of the expensive grade glass proved to be of excellent quality. Two years later and the concept was productized.Fast forward to today."Pyrex" dishes are failing (reportedly "exploding"), quite possibly because they are no longer made out of "the good stuff."Personally I blame this all on pure corporate greed. The name Pyrex had grown to represent products made out of a type of glass that was extremely useful, durable, tough and long lasting for home use.Corning (and its spin off) co-opted this valuable trademark and transformed it to simply mean glass products made by them, regardless of whether or not the product was made out of the superior material that had taken 80+ years to develop the strength of the brand name.Pyrex isn't Pyrex anymore, and it hasn't been for 10 years or so.UPDATE(2/28) From another CBS2 report on the matter.Pyrex originally was made of borosilicate glass, a Corning invention, that enabled it go from the oven to the refrigerator and vice-versa.Pyrex in Europe is still made of this type of glass.Around 1946, Corning began making some Pyrex out of tempered soda lime glass. World Kitchen tells the 2 Investigators most Pyrex sold in the U.S. has been made of soda lime glass since that time., and that the transition was completed by 2001.I don't know where they got the 1946 date. I don't see it supported elsewhere online.The article also references some professional opinions indicating that the soda-lime glass may not be properly tempered for use as material for fabricating cooking dishes.
# posted by The Comedian @ 3:44 PM 0 comments
Coward.State Sen. Mark Montigny (D-New Bedford) called the old practice “frightening.”The old practice?Licensed state employees carrying firearms while transporting tolls collected on the Mass Pike. Amazing how the lack of certain kinds of paperwork can serve to scare bureaucrats at all levels.
# posted by The Comedian @ 3:22 PM 0 comments
Saturday, February 02, 2008
I've really been enjoying a series of short, funny photoshop tutorials that Boing Boing has been posting for a few weeks now named "You Sujck at Photoshop".It seems, though, based on some digging done by SpaceBass over at Despoiler that these funny videos may actually be a form of viral marketing.I almost don't care if they are just sneaky advertising because they are so well done, funny as hell, and actually do teach people some good photoshop lessons while telling the story of hapless Donnie Hoyle, an "Associate Mgr., Dumping" at the fictional PhebCo. I wonder if his job is to assist in the illegal dumping of waste?I've been trying to figure out what PHEBCO might mean, or if there is an anagram hiding in the company's slogan.Here's my best guess so far: PHotoshop Education By COmedian, or maybe COmedy.
# posted by The Comedian @ 9:02 AM 0 comments
Friday, January 25, 2008
I wrote this just about seven years ago, but it still seems true today. Given my lack of content generation lately I figured I would hunt through the archives for new-to-you stuff.Why You Should Work at Our Law FirmAll law firms are not alike. They have personalities that affect every aspect of a lawyer's experience at the firm. Most other law firms treat their attorneys provably better than us, so you should keep looking. Through industry research, polls and statistics, you could find a worse environment then ours, but we don't recommend it.Although we have grown substantially in recent years, we strive to treat all our employees, new and old, as pieces of crap, to be squeezed out and flushed away without a second thought. The standard we set for our firm is to maintain professional excellence in an environment that is hostile and frustrating to all people, regardless of talent, skills or competence. We mock and criticize each other's differences. The people who work here--lawyers and non-lawyers alike--are our greatest assets, and, but for the 14th amendment to the U.S. constitution we would sell them in a New York MinuteAs of 2000, 379 lawyers are based in our New York office; we have about 900 lawyers over all. We think these numbers give us the best of both worlds--we're large enough to recruit major talent from across America and yet we're small enough to belittle and abuse on a personal level, so that our lawyers don't get lost in some anonymous hell.The firm's lawyers possess a diversity of legal experiences that is unusual even for large law firms. In addition to the more or less standard "big firm" practice areas like corporate law and corporate finance, commercial fraud, real estate scams and bilking the dead and dying, our additional proficiencies in environmental law, torture, psychological warfare, leasing, belittlement and intellectual property make our firm particularly attractive to clients. It also enables us to offer our associates the ability to choose a practice area in which they will perform menial and mindless tasks from a broad spectrum of opportunities.Geographic opportunities to be abused abound. From our offices in New York, Washington, Aden, Singapore (Particularly attractive place to conduct canings), Chechnya and Hell itself, we counsel clients on both domestic and international matters. Our clients include U.S. and non-U.S. corporations, investment banks, lesser devils and demons, other financial institutions, medium-sized and start-up businesses, Satan himself, trade associations and believe-it-or-not non-profit organizations. The firm's presence overseas strengthens our ability to spread pain with international capabilities. Our well-balanced and robust practice built upon billing fraud and slavery-like working conditions has afforded the firm long-term strength, stability and consistently low rankings in employee satisfaction among law firms nationally.Law Firm LifeThe practice of law is demanding and rewarding. Our lawyers are intelligent, energetic, highly motivated people who enjoy the practice of law and thrive on the challenges and complexities of sophisticated legal practice. Well, they would if they worked someplace else.Our associates generally work with a number of partners and senior associates who offer the supervision and beatings necessary for well-rounded professional development. In our firm, we all learn from each other how to engage in petty office politics and we all help stab each other in the back.TrainingWe take seriously, though we rarely follow through on, our responsibility to provide the training necessary to help recent graduates make the transition to the practice of law. In all of our practice areas, intensive day-to-day beatings, on-the-job criticism of a more informal nature is an essential component of professional development as well. We have been certified by the several states' bars as an accredited provider of continuing legal education. This minimizes the chance that our employees will ever have a legitimate need to be outside the firm during daylight hours.In all practice areas, associates are encouraged to attend on their own time (of which there is assuredly none) workshops on professional skills and programs on legal developments conducted by outside groups. We also conduct periodic firm-wide training on general subjects of interest to lawyers in all practice areas, such as creative billing and approaches to negotiation. This maximizes our senior employees' opportunities to belittle and criticize inferiors in front of a large audience. Of course, such time is merely more minutes and seconds during which you will be failing to meet your billable hours requirement.Summer ProgramOur summer program is designed to immerse our summer associates in only the few happy aspects of the firm. Our goal is to make the summer a shadowy and non-revealing experience that provides a rosy look at the firm, both in terms of the work we do and the people we fear you will discover. We are proud of our firm and its accomplishments and we are excited about the prospects for the future. We want our summer associates to believe in our fake pride and excitement so that we can dupe them into becoming part of the firm.Throughout the summer program, our summer associates, might work on, photocopying, document review, fetching coffee and/or mixing drinks. Efforts are made to discover summer associates' ability to withstand pain. We maximize opportunities for client contact, whenever possible, especially if it means we can show off a hottie summer associate while expensing lots of top shelf liquor.Summer associate work assignments are supplemented by a structured training program that, we think, puts us ahead of the curve in terms of substantive, professional training. Our program include more time wasting activities than Camp Gitchegoomie and features less truth than an Al Gore campaign promise. We also provide an individual session with a professional writing instructor for each summer associate to prepare a resume, for when they wake up at the end of the summer and decide to not work for us.As part of our summer program, each summer associate is paired with an associate who will act as their primary brain-washer. Associate mentoring is another means we use to trick our summer associates into the firm and to provide control over them during the summer.Most of the firm's entry-level class of lawyers each year is pressed into service through our summer program. Our "offer-accepted" rates are very high, especially when compared to the number of associates that we actually have to kill when they decline our offer.BenefitsAssociate salaries are competitive, but you will earn it in blood, sweat, and tears. We pay certain relocation expenses for entering associates, though why bother having an apartment that you will never see. Every lawyer is entitled to, and encouraged to plan but not take four weeks paid vacation each year. Employees may be fired without notice if they actually dare to take any vacation time.Our comprehensive medical insurance, dental coverage, life insurance, disability provide benefits because our people usually have real needs for treatment once we are done with them. Spouses and children are eligible to participate in the various insurance options offered by the firm in the hope that this will make up for never seeing them during waking hours. Our parental leave policies provide benefits relating to childbirth and adoption, but only because the Federal Government requires it of us.Associates are provided with access to an Heuristic Employee Assistance Program OF SHaring Idiomatic Thoughts (HEAP OF SHIT, EAP for short). The EAP is a free counseling program designed to gain your confidence so that we can then use your own darkest and most private thoughts against you.Firm ManagementA seventeen-partner committee directs our firm. All matters of significance to the firm at large are discussed and voted on by the full partnership. This disturbingly large bureaucracy ensures that things here never change. Views are expressed openly and freely from all areas of the firm, though disagreements are typically cleared up by summary terminations. The partnership maintains tight fisted control over the direction of the firm. In matters of collegiality and democracy, the partnership is, we believe, rare among larger firms. We thank our silent partners, Misters Johnnie Walker and Jim Beam, Esq, for our ability to remain so congenial.Admission to the partnership must be approved by a two-thirds vote of the partnership, though when was the last time anyone was able to make two-thirds of a group of lawyers agree on anything. Associates are generally considered for partnership after approximately nine years of constant pain and full-time suffering.We believe that active communication among all our lawyers is essential to keep pain and suffering consistent and constant. The firm periodically holds meetings for all lawyers. At these meetings, the firm's financial problems and lack of business development are openly blamed on our stupid and ugly associates in an open question-and-answer format. We continue to explore additional ways for us to combat each other better.Our environment is a challenging and dangerous place to work. You will want to contribute to our momentum and success or your beatings will continue until morale improves. Once we have chewed you up, we will want you get the hell out and leave us alone.Oh, and if we run into you at some social function after you have left our firm, you should smile and be polite. Don't forget, we know where you live.
# posted by The Comedian @ 11:09 PM 0 comments
Monday, January 21, 2008
 [Source image lifted from IAmFink, here.]
# posted by The Comedian @ 2:09 PM 0 comments
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